Breakfast Burrito

It's every man's worse nightmare. He wakes up, grabs the fizzying-stuff and plobs it in a warm beer. Shuffles over to the fridge and what's there? NO COLD PIZZA! AHHH!!!

Okay, so technically the problem is easily resolved by heading to Taco Bell or grabbing a Big Mac and substituting the coke for coffee. There is an alternative though...

First you're going to cook potatoes ahead of time, like you learned in Boy Scouts. Be prepared that is, not how to cook potatoes. They cook them all wrong in tinfoil over a fire. Step one is getting the junk out of your pot.


Wash the potatoes. I know, it's a hassle and your friend Joe says they zap them in the secret factory making them ready like hot dogs to eat once you bring them home. Just do it cause your mother told you to.


You do know how to boil potatoes right?


There are two ways to check if they're ready. The anal retentive way is to stick a fork in them, examining how soft the center is and how easily the grub slides off the tines.


Your way is to go watch a 42 minute episode. When it's finished your potatoes should look like this:


The bursting is good. Then let them cool off (preferably not in potato water) and shove them in the fridge. These keep for months so just forget about them.


While they provide excellent snacks, that's not your purpose. Oh, no. You're about to make, the Breakfast Burrito! Remove a potato and throw in the egg equivalent into a pan.


Two eggs for an average potato. Three for large, one for small.


Then add water. The key here is to do it with a move that looks good. I use the light-switch method. Of course when you actually do that on a light-switch you look like an idiot as you just flipped the light back off, but it works for water facets. Important, if you want fluffy eggs, don't cook the potato with the eggs. Cook your eggs and then heat the potatoes separately.

Cut up the potatoes while scrambling the eggs.



While you're in the middle of that, slice some cheeses and toss them on a tortilla. I used an x-large tortilla to accentuate my manly manliness, 'cause real men eat big things. (And cause they were the only thing in the fridge.).

Be sure that the cheese covers a good portion, there's nothing worse than a not cheesy enough burrito.

As you can see, I didn't cut the slices small enough, so that some of the cheese is scorched while other parts are not fully melted. Oh well. Now toss some of the junk from the pan onto the burrito. You want to stuff as much as you can fold. Too much junk above your ability and it just ends up on your plate and then you gotta use your fingers and get stains on your pants. Too little and it reinforces your own folding inadequacies. Next grab the BBQ sauce.

I like the above cause it reminds me of whiskey. The actual sauce doesn't matter as long as it's not sweet but tangy and spicy. You might of been tempted to throw in some bacon or sausage, but the sauce renders the flavor aspect unnecessary while the potatoes fill in for the texture-type feel of the burrito in your mouth.

Then throw on some left-over Taco Bell spice packets, preferably Fire sauce.

You want a lot of sauce on it, as this is your main source of flavor.

Then using your preferred wrapping technique, ta-da! Finally stuff your face.